Everyone has just been so sick..including me! Now we all have colds..again..sheesh!
We have also been meeting with case workers for Christopher. We have decided to go the "intensive therapy" route with him. This means that Christopher will have a team of 5 therapists working with him every day for 5 hours each day..in our home..
It seems like a lot of work, but Christopher is worth it! Whatever he needs, we will do. Since I no longer work outside the home, I will be here all day so the therapists can work with him as long as they need to. The only question is..will Christopher be willing? He has a short attention span, but he is coming along nicely with the therapy he is receiving now. This intensive in home Autism therapy will not begin until the end of 2011. That is how long the waiting list is for help.
There are just so many children in need of this therapy..and obviously, not enough therapists to go around. During the waiting period, we will be taking him through a less intensive program to get him used to more hours of therapy. This should begin within the next few months..
I look at him when he is sleeping..like most Mothers look at their children..only I cry..I apologize for doing this to him..Where did I make my mistake? Did I not take the right vitamins..Did I drink too much soda..Did I not get enough rest? How could I have done this to my baby?
When I set out to have children..never in a million years did I think that I could be capable of ruining their lives..even before their lives got started! 2 of my 4 boys have special needs..both have Autism..what does that say about me as a Mother? I cannot tell any of you how much guilt flows through my veins every day..if I could take their pain away..let them live "normal" lives..let ME be the one who has all of the problems..you bet your bottom dollar I would do it....
All I can do now is pick up the pieces and love them beyond the moon, the stars and Heaven...and pray to God that some day..they will be able to forgive me for what I have done..even though I really do not even know what I did..some day..they can live an almost "normal" life..and some day..they will love me as much as I love them..
During this week of Thanks..I only ask you to hug your children..tell them every day how much you love them..be thankful for the wonderful lives you have..for even though our lives may be a little bumpy right now..I do thank God each and every day that He has brought these Angels into my life..and has allowed me to love them no matter what I did.
God Bless us..Everyone